Sponge bath it is.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
