Kareoke will never be a sober sport
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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