I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
