"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my being single is dangerous.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
