I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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