I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
