tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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