We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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