The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
