what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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