I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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