I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
