We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
