i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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