did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
