Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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