i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
