i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
