She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
