Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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