i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
