I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
