So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
