i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
