I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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