just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
