Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
