im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
