Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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