I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
