Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
