Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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