Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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