The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
