My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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