upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
