I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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