I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
