i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
