I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
