I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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