I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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