All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
