everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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