Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
