Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
