My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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