Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
