Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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