i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
