You really coming over, don't trick.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
