weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
