just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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