Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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