I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
