and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
