I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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