You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
