only if we run a train.
done.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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