I want to have your abortion
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
