I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
