I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize