We named our party play list daddy issues
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
