the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
