I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
