the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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