I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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