I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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