So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
