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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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