it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there was a trapeze. enough said
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
