No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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